You might be in Syria if...

You get confused between the pool showers and bathrooms because they look so similar.

You have a familiar pain in your stomach.

The sign above a road side gas station reads "DIZEL."

You cant find Coca-Cola products but you can find Ugarit Cola.

Red means cold, blue means hot. Or the shower has two faucets that both say "H".

7/10 songs on the radio use the word "Habibi," "beloved". For variation, "Ya habibi", something like "hey beloved."

Children throw stones. For fun.

Fisherman fish. With bombs.

People say "donkey" and you dont know why. You may also see donkeys, even in the city.

The beduoin tricycle-truck. Full of people and ready to fall over at any minute.

A whole family can fit on a motorcycle.

A car backs up. On a main road.

Speed limits are ignored. As are lanes.

The American president is Muslim. Surprise.

You see the Mari water goddess. Everywhere.

Car horns are used more often than the break.

Seatbelts are tucked into the backseat. Apparently safety ruins the decorative appeal.

Every other person is smoking a nargileh.

A bottle of water at a store = SL 25. At a hotel resteraunt, this same bottle = SL 125. (US $ 2.50)

A plain cheese pizza has olives, tomatoes, and spices.

Your Lonely Planet guide is wrong. About opening hours, quality, names of resteraunts, maps, bus companies, and more.

Your taxi driver has no idea where you are going, and doesn't know street names.

The guards at the museums will let you take photos. For Bakshish.

You driver insists on buying you juice, cookies, or water. He (a) wants bakshish or (b) went inside to get directions. Probably both.

Opening hours subject to change.

The jewelry seller in the souq tells you he has a necklace with the Ugaritic alphabet. He then points to a stone and says: "See this stone? This is the color of sincerity." You say: "I can read Ugaritic, and thats not the alphabet." He coughs and says "Ah. I see."

Figeh water bottles leave blue stains on your hand and clothes.

You are at a site, and the driver comes over. Just to make sure you haven't been eaten by dogs.

The train is a family free-for-all. So are planes.

You have to squeegee the bathroom floor after each shower to avoid flooding.

"Do not disturb" signs dont exist at hotels. If they do, they are ignored.

A menu entry says "Chicken dinner." You ask the waiter what this is. He says: "Chicken."

Facebook is blocked at the internet cafe. So is your blog.

Dinner is at 10pm.

Feral cats want your dinner. You decide to eat inside.

Cracks in the windshield are not a concern.

Breakfast is woeful. Unless you like cheese and olives at 8am.

Each shop in the souq makes or produces its own goods. You start to get suspicious.

You stop noticing photos of the president. Because you've seen so many.

People bang their two index fingers together to ask if you are married. Then they ask (slightly horrified): "No baby?"

The sound of Celine Dion blasts across the Palmyran desert.